Monday, December 1, 2014

Glad I Opened My Email Today

The first email came as a very pleasant surprise from Urbanspoon:

Hello Jon,

In recognition of your contributions to Urbanspoon, we've made you an Urbanspoon Prime. You now have a nifty icon next to your name on our website announcing your Prime status to the rest of the world!

Holy moly, Batman, I now have a golden spoon. I am practically orgasmic. Come on...I said practically.

The second came from J & D Foods announcing a new product that came at just the right time for my bride and me. Since we are moving to the beach with new furniture, including a king sized bed, we will be needing stuff. Stuff like new bed linens...pillowcases and such. Well, J & D have us covered:

Yes, Virginia, there is a bacon scented pillowcase. Says J & D:  

Our bacon-scented pillowcase uses advances in printing technology to allow the scent of bacon to permeate your dreams and expand your mind. That's right, the scent of bacon is embedded in the ink on these specially printed pillowcases! 

If cared for according to included instructions, this pleasing aroma should last for 6-12 months or more. It can even endure through multiple wash cycles - be sure to use an unscented detergent, wash separately in warm water, and air or tumble dry. 

Your sweet bacony sleep experience may or may not have the following effects:
  • Dreams of happy things - like bacon for breakfast, rolling around in a pile of bacon or placing the winning hog at the 4-H contest
  • Effortless, overnight weight loss by kicking your digestive system into high gear (try not to eat your pillowcase)
  • Dramatic increases in your intelligence and higher brain functioning
  • Easier wake-ups - your mornings will be like being shot out of a bacony cannon!
Note: Additional drooling while you sleep may happen for a small percentage of bacon pillowcase users.
The Oracle offers no warranty, implied or express, and we receive no remuneration from J & D.

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