The effect the words, "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach..." had when whispered into the ears of some of those belles of the Redneck Riviera was, in a word, awesome.
While I could recite from memory, "In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure dome decree..." I was never able to write anything that I felt came close the English masters. As a side note, I do not remember what prompted me to memorize Kubla Khan. Coleridge's poem is still one of my favorites, but it never was particularly effective in seduction.
Anyway, getting back on track, since I was never good at writing poetry on my own I decided to look on-line to see if there was some help available for frustrated poets. Sure enough, there is, and with the assistance of The Surrealist Compliment Generator I was able to compose:
My Ode To The Lump Trump
You mutter such objects of Tea Party delight that the mind's ability to sew
Slices of mordant ivory becomes tamed with visions of Tamils in Constantinople.
For that I pray that you ever have naked women to toss tiny pickles and coo
In oblivious delight at your witty urbane opener of foreign post whilst
Your higher cortical centers ever send forth ignorant bliss and immortal contagion.
You so truly know your inner plankton, it is a revelation not unlike discovering
An impacted toll booth upon the plains of Patagonia. Yet the unwashed
Cry for the stiffness of the earlobe. The turtles are fallen and the rain stands still.
How long, they mumble, must I suffer with your undergarments?
You are the Ayatollah of Confusion on the night of Divalí.
So precisely, your head fits into the smallest of diameters as your
Pharyngeal hair tickles the divine underbelly of my terrestrial erector set
With saponifying liquors causing your dainty nostrils to flare with the humblest
Grandiosity of an ant swallowing a water buffalo. But, beware
For Marmots will stick to you in Delaware.
Your raving is like 1000 Caucasian carnivores playing mumblety peg with an eggplant,
And I scream out ENGINEER YOUR AUNT! Do it! You will be grateful for having done so.
Yolutsky promises to cease diddling with your ears, and teacups smash, flounders
Ignite spontaneously in your presence as your hands do the work of
10,000 highly trained lesbian jumping beans smuggled in from the south.
Fighting for the liberty of the fruit tree tastes nothing like the glint of
Sagittarius rounding itself around your uvula. I know the time will soon arrive
When we will see people manufactured in crates and sieves of glass. Entranced by
The bitter harmony of your lips, I gaze beyond reason to find the oasis of your ruptured soul.
May you always be as vivid as your hallucinations.
As the bile slowly rises in my incandescent eluxulator, your mere presence
Has a calming effect upon my rabies. The perils of your eyelashes torture my libido
Into a state of crass belief in Roman Catholicism even as your nose hair is pleasingly
Twisted with the roots of a bristlecone pine that is so precariously perched on the side
Of a cliff it may easily uproot and fall upon the Republican lobbyists below.
'Lo, EUREKA,' I yelled into the cat, 'Thou art truly laborious and divergent.
My nose bleeds for your impending encounter with the front fender of a Mercedes Benz.'
In hunger you most certainly drool
Pendulums of sinusoids and wounded mosques.
The ocean's foam matches the froth of hair streaming through your lips.
Your hair sends forth a sheen reminiscent of a wounded man streaming bandage
Gauze from the highest church steeple. You have not yet reached the height of your depravity.
Tribes of primitive hunters, with rhinestone codpieces rampant, should build pyramids
Of Chevy engines covered in butterscotch syrup to exalt the diastolic, ineffable,
Scintillated and cacophonous salamander of truth which slimes and distracts from each
And every orifice of your holy tea bag, topped with hair reminiscent of a self-digesting yak in heat.
Never was a man so badly meant to wear corrective glasses.
If that doesn't cause you to quiver, I don't know what will.